It is a truth universally acknowledged that the only reason that parents have children is because they dream of free labor during the teenage years of the Offspring. It is a truth universally known among parents of teenagers that said Dreams remain unfulfilled. Offspring do provide other benefits, though.
In chronological order:
1. Yesterday morning, it was raining. I had to go outside and move some of Janet’s plants and figured that since I had two healthy young’ins lounging around in pajamas at 10 AM on a Saturday, I could get some of that “help” thing about which I have heard so much. So, I suggested to Lily and Clara that they should don some appropriate outerwear and come out into the rain with me to move their Wonderful Mother’s plants. Lily said never would she ever do such a thing. Janet laughed. Clara then exclaimed that she was “Astonished” that Lily would deliberately ignore the request of her father. She then turned to Lily and said, “Commissioner!” This left us all a little puzzled. Clara was quite earnest in calling Lily a Commissioner. Then light broke and I realized what Clara meant. “Do you mean that Lily is committing a Sin of Commission and is thus a Commissioner?” That is indeed what young Clara meant. A debate immediately began about whether refusing to do what your parents ask you to do is a Sin of Commission or a Sin of Omission. Clara was adamant on the point. Lily, being a semi-able debater, immediately realized that this discussion was not to her advantage and changed the terms of the Debate. She looked intently and Clara and noted, “Well, I don’t see you getting ready to go out in the rain. You are a hypocrite!” A debate then began about whether Hypocrisy is a Sin of Omission or Commission. I didn’t stay for the resolution. I went out and moved the plants. Alone.
2. Later in the Day, Emma was looking over the course offerings at Mount Holyoke. She was unusually excited (as in it is rare to see Emma excited about anything other than horses) about the possibilities when it came to courses. She was having a hard time figuring out the Distribution requirements, though. Mount Holyoke requires courses in each of the three Divisions: Humanities, Sciences, and Social Sciences. Emma’s trouble was discerning the difference between the divisions. After looking over assorted classes and realizing which division said courses were in, Emma figured it out. “I get it,” Emma exclaimed. “If the course looks really interesting, it is in the Sciences. If the course looks tolerable, it is in the Social Sciences. And if the course is ‘No way, Jose,’ it is in the Humanities.”
3. Lily this morning, out of the blue, asked, “Do you know what my favorite Bible verse is?” “Jesus wept,” I guessed—incorrectly as it turns out. “No,” Lily replied (but you knew she replied that from the preceding sentence—this sentence, therefore, is what is known as Redundant. It was inserted merely to aid in providing a dramatic pause in the Narrative before revealing which verse Lily meant—the anticipation of the announcement adds to the enjoyment of Discovery). Then in a complacently smug voice she went on to explain, “I was listening to a sermon once and there was this verse mentioned about the Lilies of the field and how they do No Work and Dress Really Well.” I am unsure about how one is supposed to feel when one's daughter has adopted a Biblical verse as a Guiding Principle for her life, but in a “Well, that is sort of the point, but not really” kind of way.
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