Talent, lack of

Tonight, I am going to a Talent Show--one of those amateur kinds where everyone is expected to get up at some point and demonstrate a talent to amuse and instruct one and all. I gather that such an event inflicts fear of stage fright in many, but since I spend my life standing up in front of people, that part doesn't bother me at all. But, nonetheless, this Talent Show has left me seriously worried for a few weeks now.

You see, I have no talents of the sort which are amenable to display at a talent show. It's a little odd. It is not as if I am without talents in general--I can talk really fast while pacing, for example--but nobody would want to see a display of the talents I happen to have. And, I am not alone in thinking I am talentless. I asked my family what I could do--only Lily came up with an idea. Lily suggested I could explain how to make a Martini. (I gave a talk last year in which I explained this to graduating seniors, so that is where she got the idea that I might have some talent in this regard. Rest assured, Lily has never tried one of my martinis.) Now it is true that I do know about how to make a proper martini, but since the talent show is at church, and since there is a subset of the Protestant culture which frowns on alcoholic beverages, and since I certainly don't want to give offense, I am not sure that a demonstration of the making of a proper martini is an appropriate talent to demonstrate. Nobody else in my family could think if anything else I could possibly do for the talent show.

This worries me. Tonight, when I go to the talent show, if I refuse to demonstrate a talent, I am afraid that people will think that I am simply refusing to participate in the general frivolities. I don't want to be the shy guest at the feast of talents nor do I want to be the stern old man refusing to join in the fun and games. But, I really can't think of a single thing I can do other than stand in front of the room and talk, but standing in front of the room and talking is not exactly the sort of talent which a Talent Show is meant to demonstrate. I can also read very well (yes, reading is a talent--proper reading is more than basic literacy, and it is a skill which can be learned and mastered--I am not a master reader, but I am pretty good at it), but I suspect that not many people want to watch me reading. (Though, now that I think about it, if I got up to demonstrate my talent, and just started silently reading a book, Clara and Lily would be mortified, and that would be rather amusing.) Other than talking and reading, I am not sure what else I can do. I guess I can write too, if one likes rambling sentences which have no serious content which would possibly be of interest other than to the person composing the long, rambling sentence for nothing other than the perverse pleasure of seeing how long a sentence can run without violating (a least egregiously) any of the standard rules of grammar while maintaining the semblance (the form, but not the substance) of substance. But, again, such a talent (if such a thing is a talent--Janet certainly would not consider such a thing to be a talent--she seems to view my penchant for enjoying the composition of sentences of the aforementioned type as a species of mental instability) is not Talent Show worthy.

I started this blog post hoping it would decease my worry. Now I am even more worried. I should probably go develop a talent.